Final Fantasy X7
by DeLyse
Summary: AU-ish. What would happen if the characters of FF7 had to play the parts of everyone in FFX? Warning: features Cloud as Tidus, Barret as Wakka, Tifa as Lulu, Aerith as Yuna, Cid as Kimahri, Yuffie as Rikku, Vincent as Auron, and more! Rated T for language
1. CASTING

_(Disclaimer – I don't own FFVII or FFX or anything having to do with SquareEnix.)_

CASTING

**Tidus – Cloud** (It's 'cause they're blond. Also, I didn't know what else to do with Cloud.)  
**Wakka – Barret** (Okay, just too hilarious in my opinion! Instead of "ya" he just says "#!")  
**Lulu – Tifa** (Dark hair, voluptuous, badass…need I say more?)  
**Yuna – Aerith** (Both brunette, both weak. Oh, and Yuna was supposed to die, and Aerith did already. Poor little healy-types always get the bad card!)  
**Auron – Vincent** (Haha, and you thought otherwise!!)  
**Rikku – Yuffie** (Yeah, same as above comment!)  
**Kimahri – Cid** (Okay, not a good match, but just picture Cid in Kimahri's costume with a cigarette in his mouth. Way better than Cait Sith, I think!)  
**Seymour – Sephiroth** (Sephiroth will soooo hate his Seymour costume!)  
**Sin – Cait Sith** (Get it? Sin Sith? Haha! Okay…yeah. Shutting up now.)

As far as pairings, there will be none. Lemme repeat: NO pairings. I tried to make the matches above as fair as possible, and since we all know that Cloud loved both Aeris/th and Tifa in his own ways in the games and in the movie, there was no real way to put these girls in an FFX setting without having at least one of them be Yuna. So yeah, no pairings. This is a humor fic, not a romance fic! Actually, I don't even really know if this is considered to be a fic… More like something related to a fic, but is actually just weirdness.

Back on subject. I hope reading this little would-be fic will make you all laugh as much as it did to me while I wrote it! If you have any complaints/ideas/feedback, just send me a pm or put it in with a review if you were planning to review. The most important thing is to sit back, relax, and laugh!

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	2. A Rocky Start

_(Disclaimer – I don't own FFVII or FFX or anything having to do with SquareEnix.)_

**Final Fantasy X-7**

PART 1

A Rocky Start

* * *

_**Time**__: 10:32am.  
__**Place**__: Snack table._

"Why are they doing this?" Aerith asked, sipping contents from a small Dixie cup with a disgruntled pout. "Don't they have the money to get other people to play the parts?"

"That's just it," Tifa replied, tugging up on her low-cut, fur rimmed Black Mage costume. "They have plenty of money to do Final Fantasy X, but they want to use 'name-brand' stars to fill the roles so more people will want to see it."

Aerith sighed, shaking her head, and tossed her empty cup into the trash bin nearby. "That's just silly."

"Yeah, not to mention that every time they do that in _any_ game or movie, it always turns out subpar to what it could have been if they had picked new or different actors to play the parts." Tifa looked down at the little snack table and decided on a finger sandwich. "They are _definitely_ going to regret this later."

From behind the two girls, a very embarrassed looking, blond-haired young man emerged from one of the dressing rooms and hurried down the hall, keeping his head down in hopes that no one would notice him and try to talk to him. Of course, as he passed by them, the two immediately turned, exchanging grins, and giggled at him. He tried not to look up. "…What?"

"Nothing!" Aerith said, holding a hand in front of her mouth to try and mask her smile.

"Absolutely nothing," Tifa agreed, turning away from Cloud while she finished her sandwich.

Cloud obviously did not like his costume. Not even a little. For starters, the way the overalls and the little yellow jacket-top showed his chest made him feel exposed, and he was so used to wearing things that covered up every inch of him, save for his arms and face. And as far as the uneven pant-short legs went, any comments about it instantly sent him into an emo-rage. It wasn't his fault that he had knobby knees! But that wasn't the worst part…

The worst part was that they had to comb his hair down.

Tifa tugged again at her costume top, officially annoyed by it. "Geez, how do they expect this dress to stay on when there's no straps?!"

"Hold on," Aerith replied, rushing to her side. "I don't think you're zipped up right."

Cloud took this chance to escape. He hurried quietly past the two girls and toward the main set, where the very annoyed director impatiently tapped his foot. "Cloud! Get over here – we were supposed to start filming an _hour_ ago!!"

With a frown, Cloud looked up. "They couldn't get my hair to stay down," he replied.

"Okay, yeah. Just get up there and hope to god we won't be here until three in the morning again!!"

Cloud reluctantly shuffled forward toward a beach-like set, where Barret, Reno, Rude, Tseng, Elena, and Rufus all waited for him, all wearing Besaid Aurochs costumes. Everyone took their places as the director began to explain the scene. "Okay, Cloud – you just appeared in Besaid and you kicked the blitzball and impressed everyone, and now you're walking up to them on the beach." He looked around to make sure everything was once again in place. "Everyone ready? Cameras rolling?" Several forms of confirmation were given, and he turned back to the set. "Scene two, take one…Action!!"

Barret and the Turks surround Cloud, who replied with a senselessly happy, "Yo! Hiya!"

Barret grined broadly before yelling, "HEY!! You wanna try that move one more time?!"

"WHOA, wait – hold it!!" the director screamed into his megaphone, causing all around him to cringe in pain. "DAMN IT, Barret! That was _terrible_! You're not supposed to _yell_ at Cloud – you're just asking him a simple question!!"

With an instantly boiling temper, Barret turned toward the director and the cameras and began screaming obscenities, while Cloud and the much annoyed Turks did all they could to hold him back and keep him from turning the director's head into a bullet-ridden mess.

Once all was sorted out ten minutes later, everyone unwillingly loitered to their places. "Okay…take two…and don't mess this up. Action!"

"Yo! Hiya!" Cloud recited with a stupid grin, already begging for the day to be over soon.

Barret inhaled shakily, still coming down from his anger-buzz. "You wanna try that move one more time?" he asked in a much calmer tone, unaware that one of his eyes were twitching.

Suddenly, a roar of laughter shook the set as a lump of Cloud's hair suddenly popped straight up on his head in a thick, dangerously pointed spike.

"Haha!" Reno pointed and howled with laughter. "He looks like Alphalfa, yo!"

"CUT!! CUT!! God _damn _it!!" The director jumped from his seat and threw his megaphone down in a fit of anger. "Fine! Fine…we'll edit that out… Just bring in the stunt double."

* * *

_**Time**__: 1:23pm.  
__**Place**__: Dressing Room 102_

"Sir? Yeah, it's Liz. We, um…have a little problem…"

Aerith sighed in a chair in her dressing room, holding a hand over her left eye and pouting sadly. "A _big_ problem…"

"About Aerith… She, um…she seems to be allergic to the contacts we have ready, so–" A loud, furious burst of words swam from the director's mouth from the other end of the line, and the makeup artist held her phone far from her ear, wincing. "Sir, I-I'm sorry! No, we – yes, okay but – all right, fine! But–" The woman stood still for a moment as a sharp _click_ was heard, and then she turned to Aerith with a sigh. "…He hung up on me…"

"He can be so harsh sometimes," the young woman in the chair agreed. "What did he say we should do now?"

"He just told me that it didn't matter anymore and to come up with something, or else he'd can me. So now I have to think of what we could do…"

Aerith gave Liz a look of sympathy. The woman had been working so hard lately; trying to make sure everything was in place while not losing her sanity in the process. Doing Cloud's hair alone took at least two hours for her to fix, and now _this_ was happening. It was becoming too much, even for the actors.

The makeup artist suddenly gasped, and with a fleeting expression of hope, she hurried out of the door. A few minutes later, she returned, triumphantly holding out a dangerously large syringe partially filled with a swimming, green liquid. Aerith immediately shrunk into her chair and fearfully watched Liz's every move. "W-What are you going to do…?"

"It's mako. We're going to inject it into your eye."

"W-What?!" Aerith frantically searched for reason behind Liz's logic. "B-But won't that just make eye glow greener?"

"Exactly," the other woman replied, closing and locking the door behind her.

Aerith gulped softly. "That doesn't make any sense if my eye is supposed to be blue!"

"Look, the director told me that I have to at least make your eyes noticeably different, and they have to seem partially Al Bhed, so we're going to have to leave one green and make the other one _really_ green."

"N-No! Wait!"

* * *

_**Time**__: 2:53pm.  
__**Place**__: On set._

"…Action!!"

Cloud and Barret pretend to just then enter the set. Tifa is noticed first, with her enormous, heavy-looking belted dress and fur-rimmed, strapless top. Cid stands beside her wearing a very tribal-like costume, with a long loin cloth, feathers sprouting from the two large, circular rings on his shoulders, two folded braids hanging on either side of his face, a long spear in one hand, and a lit cigarette in his mouth.

Tifa blinked once in authority, her crimson contacts complimenting her overall costume perfectly. "What are you doing here? Didn't think we'd be able to handle it?"

"No, it's uh…it's just…" Barret held his gun-arm up, aiming for the ceiling in a stand-by postion, and turned to Cloud. "See, I told you she gets mad easily."

Cloud looked around. "Is the summoner all right?"

"Who are you?" Tifa asked, glaring suspiciously at him.

Before any more could be said, the stone doors atop a small set of steps opened, and Aerith slowly, unsteadily made her way out. Her eyes were slightly closed, hair concealing part of her face, and as everyone on the set suddenly wondered if she really was all right, the young woman suddenly tripped and fell to the floor.

"Oh my god!" Tifa cried out, suddenly coming out of character to rush to her friend's side.

"CUT!!"

"Holy #!" Barret cried out. "Is she okay?!"

The director stood from his special chair in a flash. "Damn it, Cid!! You were supposed to _catch_ her, you idiot!!"

Cid took a long drag from his cigarette as he pulled a copy of the script from the hidden back pocket of his loin cloth while everyone rushed to Aerith on the floor. After flipping through a few pages and scanning over his lines, his cigarette nearly fell from his mouth. "Oh… Oops."

"Hey! Hey, Aerith!" Tifa whispered anxiously, shaking the young woman's shoulders. When she slowly opened her eyes, revealing one to be her usual emerald eye, and the other glowing absurdly green from the mako, the darker haired girl gasped. "What the…?"

"Oh…ow…my head…" The flower girl slowly sat up, supporting herself with her arms behind her. "What…happened…?"

"What's wrong with your #& eye?!" Barret cried out, his own dark eyes wide in disbelief.

"That's mako energy," Cloud replied after a moment of realization. "Did…you...inject _mako_ into your _eye_, Aerith…?"

The young woman looked up at all of the faces that surrounded her and giggled. "No, of course not! My makeup artist… She did it to make me look half Al Bhed…or something…"

From out of nowhere, Liz came up behind them. "Oh, hey! Your eye's looking _much_ better now! That mako must have cleared the redness from your allergic reaction right up!"

* * *

_**A/N:**_ Why did I do this? I have no idea… How did I do this? Dunno…but it was funny to write! -grins- It was hard to find everyone's part in this, and after much debate, I had to settle with the results you now see. I can't change the main cast now, but I will leave options open for our favorite Turks! I just drew random lines to match them up with the other players from the Besaid Aurochs, so if you guys want to see something more thought-out for them, then let me know. This is what I have on my notebook for them:

Datto – Tseng  
Letty – Rude  
Jassu – Reno  
Botta – Elena  
Keepa – Rufus

To be honest, I don't even remember what the players look like, so yeah. -shrugs- Oh, and since Elena is a woman, she will, of course, object to having the part of a man, no matter who's part she plays. Later on, if I stay with this fic and make it to the scene in Luca where you have to play Blitzball, I will give all the Turks a shining moment that only they could provide! I promise! -winks-

One more thing. Someone brought it to my attention that I forgot all about Jecht, which I did!! So, who would play his part? Any suggestions?? You can take one of the Turks out to do it, and if so, I'll just say one of the players from the Aurochs like…died, or something. Up to you. Just lemme know!

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	3. Getting to Know Your Coworkers

_(Disclaimer – I don't own FFVII or FFX or anything having to do with SquareEnix.)_

* * *

**Final Fantasy X-7**

PART 2

Getting to Know Your Coworkers

_**Time**__: 9:13am.  
__**Place**__: Snack table._

"I can't believe they picked you over me," Nanaki growled softly, glaring up at Cid in his tribal-like Ronso costume.

"You know why," the airship pilot stated matter-of-factly. He waited patiently for the lion-creature to reply, taking a long drag from his cigarette and smirking.

Finally, the lion could help himself no longer. He just had to ask. "Oh? Why's that?"

"I'm sexier in a loincloth than you." Cid laughed as the red feline scowled at him. "What? Don't be sore!" he cried, firmly placing his cigarette between clenched teeth. "What part did they give you?"

After a long pause, Nanaki dropped his furry little head and sighed. "I am to play the parts of all the extras."

Cid grinned broadly. There was no remorse in his strong features. "That's a shame."

"You're not even really that tall."

"When you wear a loincloth, you don't need to be anything but sexy."

"Kimahri Ronso is an anthropomorphic being of feline nature," the lion continued bitterly, mostly to himself. "You're not even partially animalistic. I don't think you even _like_ animals of any kind. Why would they decide to choose you to be a Ronso when I am clearly closer in resemblance to him than any human could ever be?"

"I'm an animal on the inside, baby." Cid grinned impossibly wide, from ear to ear and back again.

"…Just shut up."

* * *

_**Time**__: 12:13am, lunchtime.  
__**Place**__: Hallway outside of the dressing rooms._

Zack poked his head out from behind the dressing room door just in time to see Cloud loitering by. "Hey! Hey, Cloud!"

The blond turned, all dressed and ready in his black overalls with the strangely uneven pant legs, and Zack grinned back at him, ushering him to come to him. "What is it?" he asked, stepping cautiously into the dressing room.

"C'mon, I need your help."

The dark haired young man waltzed over to the patchy couch against the wall and grabbed a small, worn booklet from it. Cloud recognized it to be the script. "Do you need another copy of that or something?"

"No, no… Nothing like that. I just need help with rehearsing and stuff."

The blond shrugged. "Okay. No problem, I guess."

Zack grinned mischievously – something Cloud failed to notice as the two stood together in the center of the room, both armed with their own copies of the script. "Part 1, Scene 22. Want me to start off?"

"Sure," Cloud answered, skimming through the words before him to find where Zack would begin. He found that he became easily lost trying to find the right page, and knit his brows a little. "I haven't read that far into it, so just go ahead and start while I find out where you are."

After clearing his throat and suppressing his wicked grin, the dark haired one began. "You with a _woman_?"

"…What?" With confusion, Cloud checked through the script a bit quicker now. _Is that even in the script…? Can't be…_

"You can't even catch a ball!"

_…Excuse me?_ For some reason, Cloud felt a sudden twinge of anger. Perhaps it was the challenge in Zack's voice. Perhaps it was because Zack got to have a better part and wear a cooler costume than him, with the shortest pant leg actually _below_ the knee. Whatever it was, he felt it. He looked up over the top of his script and quietly scowled. "Did you drag me in here to make fun of me?"

"Oh, what's the matter?" Zack continued, leaning forward slightly.

Cloud suddenly looked slightly shocked that the dark haired man had sensed his sour feelings. He attempted to hide it. "…What are you talking about –"

"–Gonna cry again?"

"Dude, what the hell?" Cloud demanded, his anger becoming evident now. In a huff, he threw the script down at his feet.

"Cry, cry. That's the only thing you're good for!"

Without warning, Cloud began to quiver in anger. In a shaking, hushed voice, he whispered, "…I hate you."

Zack cupped a hand behind his ear and leaned to the side. "Huh? What'd you say?"

As Cloud slowly dropped his head, his fists balled tightly, Zack burst out laughing madly, rolling on the ground from side to side. He attempted to stand, but failed miserably as another fit of laughter sent him to the floor again, and his bright blue eyes began to water unstoppably at the sight of his blond battle buddy _still_ standing there, quietly fuming.

Finally, Cloud turned to leave. "You're an ass, Zack."

* * *

_**Time:**__ 2:46pm.  
__**Place**__: On set._

"Okay, take your places people!" the director ordered through his megaphone, glancing down at a few papers in his hand from time to time. Onto the set walked Zack, Aerith, and a very excited Yuffie, all positioning themselves on what appeared to be a pier or dock of some sort. The director looked up, noting that someone was missing. He glanced down at his right, where a blond young man sat quietly, reading. "Cloud?"

He looked up from the booklet in his hands. "Hmm?"

"Well? Get up there," the director replied. "You're in this scene, too, you twit."

Cloud frowned and thumbed through the pages. "I think my copy of the script is incomplete. I read all the way through it, and I don't see anything in it about a scene with them and me on a dock."

"If you didn't have nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety-nine hit points, I would smack you right now." The director sighed in frustration, bringing a hand to the side of his throbbing temple. "You only have one friggin line, okay? It's 'I hate you'. And I will, too, if you don't get up there and do what you _don't_ do best."

With a glare, Cloud got up from his seat and joined the trio on the pier set. Once everyone was situated, the cue was given to begin, and the director withdrew his almighty megaphone. "All right, scene 22! Are we ready? And….action!"

Zack grinned with a haughty mischief. "You with a woman? You can't even catch a ball!"

Cloud froze with a slow rising fury.

"Oh my god… Is that _acting_ I see from Cloud for once?" the director whispered in astonishment to himself. "Jesus… I do believe it _is_…"

"Oh, what's the matter?" Zack continued. "Gonna cry again? Cry, cry… That's the only thing you're good for!"

Silence. It was so thick, even Sephiroth could not hope to cut through it. Cloud dipped his head from view, glaring, and growled. "I hate you…"

Suddenly, the director jumped from his chair, clapping hard and as loudly as he could. "BRAVO!! Just, bravo! I couldn't help it. That was _amazing_ work, Cloud. The emotion…true…_raw_…" He walked forward toward the set, the seriousness in his eyes actually scaring a few of the crewmen. "You see? Teamwork. Belief in yourself. Belief in _me_. That is what will make this film a winner. And you, Cloud, have just shown me and everyone in here that this film _will_ be a winner. If you quit whining and start acting for once, we can win. We can _win_."

No one quite knew how to reply to that. Instead, they looked away, sometimes to each other, sometimes back at the director, but never lingering on any one focus for more than a few seconds. Zack was doing all he could not to burst out laughing.

"Alright, places!" the director cried, a rare air of confidence in his posture and tone. "Let's do that scene again a few times. Better make it good."

With a pulsing vein in his temple ready to burst any second now, Cloud turned to Zack, shooting venom at him with his piercing gaze. "I _really_ hate you."

* * *

_**A/N**__: For some reason, fanfiction won't accept several character symbols put together (such as the percent symbol (), the dollar sign (), and the number symbol/pound key thingy (#), which is how Barret curses in FF7. So, what am I to do? Should I have him actually cuss? I can't have him say "#!" every time he's supposed to say more than that. -pouts- Maybe I could replace it __with "-beep!-" or something. Or put spaces in between? __**Edit**__heaven-monument__liked the # symbol in there as a form of cursing – what does everyone else think about that?_

_I dunno. We'll figure it out as we go along! Kind of like how I figured out that I forgot to put Red XIII in the fic, too! 0.o Yeah, I can't believe I forgot… But hey, it's been a while. I hope you can all find it in your hearts to forgive me! Also, the lines that they speak are straight from the FFX script – honestly, go check it out! Once I read Jecht's part, I just had to figure a way to put it in the fic. And so…I did! Sorta._

_Hope you all enjoyed!!_

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End file.
